Growing up as kid #2 of 5, I built this narrative in my head: My genius father had sacrificed his “success” to have us. No fancy cars. No latest gaming consoles. Just a house full of chaos while watching our neighbors live their “better” lives.
In my 35-year-old mind, his choice to leave the private sector for a public job (at half the salary!) so he could be more present for us wasn’t admirable – it was a massive failure.
Then came this communication workshop in Montreal. One exercise: Call someone you care about and tell them the hard truth. So I called dad and basically asked, “Hey, did you completely screw up your life because of us?”
His response? He laughed.
Not a nervous laugh. Not a sad laugh. A genuine “you’ve got to be kidding me” laugh.
Turns out, my dad wasn’t living some tragic compromised life. He genuinely loved the chaos, the noise, the full house. While I was busy feeling sorry for him not having a Ferrari in the garage, he was busy being fulfilled by something I couldn’t comprehend at the time – genuine human connection.
Plot twist: He’s now the mayor of his village, crushing it in retirement, because surprise – people love a leader who actually gives a damn about serving others rather than serving their ego.
Here’s the mind-f*ck:
For years, I’d built this wall between us based on a story that existed purely in my head. I was simultaneously pitying him AND feeling guilty for “holding him back.” Meanwhile, he was living his best life, completely unaware of the drama I’d scripted.
So here’s the uncomfortable question for you:
What BS stories are you telling yourself about someone you care about?
And more importantly, when are you going to crash-test reality and ask them if it’s true?
